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Unlocking Self-Esteem for a Thriving You

   


     Have you ever experienced a disconnect between how you appear externally and how you feel internally? Do acts of kindness become tainted by guilt, shame, and anger, robbing you of the joy they should bring? Do you struggle with feelings of worthiness, questioning whether you deserve happiness, fulfilment, love, a rewarding career, or a fulfilling relationship? The concept at the core of all these experiences is worthiness. Jesus once remarked, "You can be a clean cup on the outside but dirty inside." Feeling unworthy has the power to tarnish a person's inner being. So, what causes this feeling, and is there a way to overcome it?

    Throughout my life, I have grappled with feelings of unworthiness. I constantly felt like an outsider, never truly belonging. This sentiment was amplified by public rejection, such as unsuccessful political campaigns, missed opportunities for promotions, and failed relationships. For some individuals, these wounds cut even deeper than others.

    Ultimately, it all boils down to our sense of value. When we recognize our inherent worth as individuals, and our actions align with that sense of worth, we achieve what is known as healthy self-esteem. During my time in corporate America, I attended a Disney Institute training on customer service, as Disney excels in hospitality. I learned a valuable lesson from the actors and actresses who portray characters at Disney—they put on their character when they arrive at work and shed that persona when they leave. While working on a trading desk, this insight proved invaluable, where I often encountered customers who failed to value others.

    However, the problem arose when I never took off that character. I remained in character because it allowed me to obtain what I desired. Outwardly, I appeared confident, assured, and brilliant. But internally, I felt like a fraud, impostor, and liar. Eventually, the façade I presented began to crumble, as the remarkable person God created cannot be contained indefinitely. It will find a way to express itself.

    Thankfully, I found a way out, starting with recognizing your value. Dr Gina Simmons Schneider proposes several questions to help gauge your sense of worth: (1)


  • Create a list of the people you admire most. What specific qualities do you find admirable in them, and why do they matter to you?
  • What goals do you aspire to achieve, and why are these goals significant to you?
  • What would you like people to think or say about you at your funeral?
  • If you had no worries or anxieties about others' opinions, how would you choose to spend your time?

    Something had to change; I was holding myself back. There were instances where I would claim to need more expertise in a subject to demonstrate a high level of mastery. So how did I begin to transform? What steps did I take?


  • I sought the assistance of a skilled counselor. Don't be afraid to seek help from a mental health professional.
  • I defined my commitments and set specific goals with deadlines, along with identifying the people, resources, and education necessary to achieve them.
  • I took consistent action, regardless of its magnitude. This involved refraining from downplaying my accomplishments and fully embracing and acknowledging my expertise in certain areas without shame.
  • I started living my own life. Remember, you have the power to live your life on your terms. Refrain from succumbing to the expectations of your spouse, family, boss, the media, politicians, or anyone else. Run your race and live freely! If others are offended or disagree, that is their issue. As long as you aren't breaking any laws, no one should have more control over your life than you do.
  • I adopted healthy spiritual practices such as contemplative prayer, reading scripture, and engaging in community.

    You don't have to accept low self-esteem. You don't have to continue feeling like an imposter. As psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett aptly puts it, "An emotion is your brain's interpretation of what your bodily sensations mean, in relation to what is happening around you in the world."(2) Since you have the power to choose feelings of unworthiness, you can also choose to embrace your worthiness as a person. Treat your soul with kindness. It's natural for everyone to experience feelings of unworthiness; it's part of being human. However, by altering your perception of yourself, you can reclaim your true identity and see yourself as deserving of love, success, and friendship. You might be surprised at the blessings that come your way.


1. Foster, Sherrie. "How to Stop Feeling You're Not Worthy." Psychology Today. October 2022. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202210/how-stop-feeling-youre-not-worthy.

2. Barrett, Lisa Feldman. How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017.

J

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